Will I Find Her or Will She Find Me?

I started to feel a lot better yesterday. I began to understand what I was trying understand for months; she is not as perfect for me as I imagined. Yeah, I knew this was probably the case, but for some reason I just could not accept it. I just hope I can keep a straight head about it when I go back to school and see her everyday. 

A new romantic interest came with the New Year for me. It feels good to not have all my eggs in the same basket. REALLY GOOD. Unfortunately this situation has the potential to be as “fucked up” as the one with DRE. It is either very complicated or very simple. I’m guessing it will take the complicated route. So basically now I have two baskets with a few eggs in them. 

I am really starting to fear that the DRE I remember isn’t real. That if we ever did get back together it wouldn’t be as good as I would expect. All I know is that she made me feel again after a long time of being numb. I am still thankful for that and the time we had together. I find comfort in knowing that when I do find something real again whether it be with her or someone else, that even more feelings of excitement, joy and fulfillment will fill my life. For now I have everything I need to keep myself happy. 

This is a bad thing as far as moving on, but the other day I realized something. She is not as over it as I initially thought she was. Sure she is afraid of commitment, but I still mean a lot to her. She may have gotten some peace from finally making her decision, but she still cared about me and liked me weeks before I liked her. This thought gives me hope the last thing I need with this relationship (or lack thereof). 

I am feeling one hundred times better. I just need to keep reminding myself this time being single and free will make my next relationship that much more successful. 

Unfortunately, she still feels like the only cure for my lonely moments. When I want somebody to hold its her I think of. When I see two people happy together; I still think of her and I. Emotions are a cruel. 

theysparkandfade:

1. Listen without interrupting (Proverbs 18)
2. Speak without accusing (James 1:19)
3. Give without sparing (Proverbs 21:26)
4. Pray without ceasing (Colossians 1:9)
5. Answer without arguing (Proverbs 17:1)
6. Share without pretending (Ephesians 4:15)
7. Enjoy without complaining (Philippians 2:14)
8. Trust without wavering (Corinthians 13:7)
9. Forgive without punishing (Colossians 3:13)
10. Promise without forgetting (Proverbs 13:12)

A couple months ago I exercised for myself. I wanted to be fit and look good and it honestly was for myself. Now I go to the gym to impress someone I probably haven’t even met yet.